Current mood:

pensive

I haven't had much chance to update this thing because I went off looking for Ron right after that cursed evil bitch posted in the journal project. Charlie met up with me and we just started roaming, looking everywhere we could think of. But it turns out the twins had a fit of sheer brilliance and made some sort of map with Mum's clock, and they FOUND RON. It's hard to take those two seriously but I've never doubted that behind their insanity lurks some sort of inspired bizarre genius. You never know when they'll choose to use it, but I'm bloody well glad they did this time.

And Snape -- my God, Snape saved the three of them. I suppose it teaches me to trust Dumbledore's judgement in a person. I still hate the greasy-haired git, but I won't forget what he did for them. Me and Charlie dropped everything and went with Remus to get him out of there, and I'd do it again.

So last weekend was a mess of sorting things out and seeing family and attempting to eat and sleep again. I was so relieved after Ron got back to school that I went into my room and slept for almost a day I think. Ron seemed all right, oddly quiet; I could tell he was badly shaken but trying to hide it, and there wasn't much to do but let him get settled in again in his own time.

But then he came and got me and Charlie on Tuesday night, and he told us.

I was... I've never felt so angry before in my life. Not even when I went tearing off to find Ron in the middle of the night. Not even when Snape was insulting Mum. Not in any of the fights I've had the pleasure of getting into. I don't even want to write about it really, because I'll get worked up again and start pummeling walls.

Ron is just torn up completely. Asked to sleep with me and Charlie that night. I can't remember the last time he's done that. Possibly he never has. And the worst of it is, I don't know what to do for him. I can be there, I can talk to him, but I can't ever erase what THAT WOMAN did to him. What she made him do. And then we had to tell Dad. I think that was the worst conversation I've ever had in my life.

But Remus... if it wasn't for Remus, God knows what I would have done over the past week. I thought he'd kill me for going after Bellatrix in the middle of the night, but he didn't. We went together with Charlie to get Snape. And all the while he must have been thinking of Sirius... it was a year ago Monday that Sirius fell through the veil. I sat with him then, and tried to do what I could to be there, but I didn't want to get in his way... but I think it may have helped him somehow, just to have someone else there. I can't imagine what it must be like for him.

And then after Ron told me... I found Remus. I couldn't even help it. It's like I see him and everything I'm thinking just pours out of me. I've never done this with anyone else before, not even my very best mates. With Remus, somehow, I couldn't put on a front if I tried. Anyway, I think he may have put a Silencing charm on his quarters that night, I was so out of my mind. But he was there, and by some miracle he even managed to talk me down a bit. No idea how he did it, because everything that happened right after Ron told us was a bit of a blur. I couldn't make it to meals or get to sleep again.

So last night I stopped by Remus' rooms, and we started talking, as usual... and he got my mind off things, somehow. He reminded me that I've got to take care of myself... he let me think about other things for a while, which, as it turns out, I really needed. Being with him is just brilliant. It's a little scary how good it feels.

He let me sleep over, after that. Nothing really happened. But I slept.

And somehow, this morning, things seem a bit better. Tonks is coming for a visit. The twins are up to their usual insanity. And I've got to get a few good meals in somehow, because I've been chatting with Charlie and he's going to kick my arse at arm-wrestling in my weakened state.

Well, he'll likely win anyway, but at least I've got to put up a good fight.