Current mood:

confused

I'm thirty years old, you'd think I'd know myself pretty well by now. But I suppose I bloody well don't.

Things are going well, right? Dad's been elected Minister of all things. Charlie's moved in with me and we're having a blast living together. I see Tonks all the time and we often get together, in a casual sort of way, but let's face it, she's really attractive and dead funny... it's been lovely these past few months. No real commitment, just a damn good time, and I really do adore the girl. There have been times when I've imagined that we could get more serious, but after that debacle with Fleur I'm happy to be in a relationship without serious emotional strings attached.

So what in Merlin's name is going on when I find myself caught up in conversation with Remus till all hours of the night, and I turn around and he's really close to me and I bloody well want to kiss him like I've never wanted to kiss anyone before?

This isn't the first time this has happened, either. When I was the guest lecturer for his DADA classes and we were setting up the practical lesson in the dungeon, we had a weird moment of sorts, and I just wrote it off to being tired. But last night something almost happened. I'm sure of it, I mean I've been in those situations before, but nothing this... intense.

I don't understand. Whenever I'm with Remus I just open up and keep talking, it's not like being with anyone else. And he talks too, and I just feel so relaxed and so... me. And it's not like I haven't experimented with men in the past, but it was never anything serious, I mean I've never really been attracted to another man before.

Maybe I never met the right one.