far away, so close.

2038-01-19T03:14:07Z

Sometimes I think it's not so bad, that I'll be all right. I get up and have a smoke and a shower and I think, it's another day, this is the day I'll feel better. And I make it down to breakfast and then he's there, and just seeing him makes me feel like one of the old tomb curses hit me somewhere deep inside. We manage this sort of thin cheerful smile at each other and I have no idea what he might be feeling. Is he happy with Sirius, and just feeling sorry for me? Is he trying to forget what we had? Or does he feel... like I do?

I don't even know what I'd want him to be feeling, to be honest. I just want him to be happy, and if he feels like this, he's a far cry from it.

The full moon's in a few days and I can see it in his eyes a bit, and in the way he moves, just slightly. No idea why I never noticed these things before. I know Sirius will help him through it, far better than I could at any rate. But I still can't help wishing I could do something.

So I'm still here. I know I should pack up and get back to London, but I can't make myself go. Something is holding me here, keeping me in this room up all night smoking packs of fags and walking around the lake and drifting round the library. Everyone is here now, Charlie and Ron and Ginny, the twins in Hogsmeade, and... he's here. And even though I don't want to see him, I have to. Something makes me go down to breakfast, even if I feel like shite, even if it means I can't make it to lunch or supper after that.

I try to distract myself, because maybe if I pretend I'm all right, I will be, right?

Right. And if anyone believes that, I've got a Quibbler subscription they might be interested in as well.

Bill Weasley

far away, so close.