egyptian_bill @ 2004-06-01T21:40:00

2038-01-19T03:14:07Z

So I've told most everyone about Remus, I think. Not how I expected things to happen. Not how I wanted things to happen.

I nearly had to tell the entire population of Hogwarts thanks to Ron broadcasting it all over the bloody journals without stopping to think what he might be doing. I about fucking lost it over that one, and I didn't much like being put in a situation that required me nearly chopping his head off in public. I love Ron to bits, but his brain takes a long vacation to Tasmania when he's hacked off. I know Weasley blood runs pretty hot and impulsive, but bloody hell, take a moment to think before alerting the entire school that your brother is dating the DADA professor. It's not that I mind people knowing, but I'd rather break the news quietly once I get my own head around the situation and not before.

But that's over and done now.

Talked to Charlie and it went far better than I'd expected. Charlie is just... well, if he wasn't my brother he'd be one of my best mates anyway. One sane brother out of five isn't bad, right? (Well, mostly sane, anyway.) When I told him about Remus I could tell he was surprised, but not the least bit upset or squeamish about it. He's been one of the only ones to understand that I think of Remus as Remus and not as some radical experiment in my own sexuality. We were even able to move on and discuss other things -- Ron for example; he's worried about him also. Helped loads to talk about that as well, and get it off my chest. Thank God for Charlie.

Tonks was... sad, I think. We were both sad. I really do enjoy all the great little flings we have, and while Remus isn't forcing me into anything, I just don't think it would be wise to continue seeing her in that way when I'm trying to suss things out in my life. But she was Tonks and she tried to be understanding and even cheerful about it, bless her. I think she'd wear pink and purple spots permanently if I asked her. In a way I wish I'd fallen in love with her -- it would have been so easy. But I don't think you can control things like that. At least that's what I think now.

Mum and Dad were fairly gobsmacked, let's be honest. But they took it rather well. I think my dad was really at a loss and not sure of what to say about it. I'm not sure how Mum feels either, but I'd guess she thinks it's just a phase of mine, like she always does. The long hair, the clothes, the curse-breaking: all "just phases." Never mind that I'm thirty years old, she'll assume it's like the time I refused to eat asparagus when I was six. That's just as well though, she's pretty damn tolerant of my phases, because she imagines they'll be over soon and I'll come to my senses.

I tried to chat with Ron, and although it didn't go as badly as I'd feared, it wasn't all good either. I didn't have to stun him or hit him with a Leg-Locker to make him sit and listen to me. But he clammed up pretty quickly after I told him and seems pretty freaked out about it. He's mostly worried about Harry, which I understand, but he won't say much more than that, and of course he won't talk to me about anything going on in his life either. He's so bloody stubborn. At least I got him to agree to play chess with me sometime, and I hope that'll loosen him up a bit. God, I remember when he used to beg me to play chess, and now it's practically the reverse.

The rest of the family... not sure how they feel either. They've always thought I was a bit out of my gourd, so maybe this isn't a shock, I dunno. And Percy... I haven't told Percy at all. No idea what he'd say, but... I'm not sure he'd really care too much about it. He seems so wrapped up in his job these days.

Anyway.

Remus and I had a long chat about everything, and I suppose it's good that we got a lot of this out in the open, because there's been a lot more emotional muck to deal with than I'd ever realised. It seemed so harmless at first, the two of us, and so simple, and then everything sort of fell on us like a ton of bricks: Harry. Ron. Sirius. My family. And it's a bloody full moon this week, after all of that. I hope there's something I can do to help... I know what Sirius could do during the full moon, and I find myself wishing I could help Remus in the same way, and I'm frustrated that I can't. I'm not sure if I should be there for him, or clear out of his way for a while.

I suppose I'll find out in a few days.

Meanwhile I'm burning through fags like a fiend and I'm nearly out of firewhiskey. Off to Owl for more of both.

Bill Weasley

egyptian_bill @ 2004-06-01T21:40:00